So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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