It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the liver wants what the liver wants
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
