Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
