In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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