You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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