Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
