She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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