how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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