I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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