I've blown a few things in my day
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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