she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
