I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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