Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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