Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
