Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
