Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
