Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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