it was like eating out sand paper
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
