i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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