I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
