the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
