Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
