In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
40s are totally the cure
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
