had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
