I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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