Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I forgot how hot balto sounded
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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