giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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