The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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