Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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