this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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