I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My vagina is officially offended.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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