wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
