Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
