kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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