yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
