it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize