We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
