guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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