Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
