I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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