I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize