I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
