yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
