It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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