I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
