did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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