So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
