my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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