I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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