hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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