so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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