dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
