After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize