We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
