i jhust puked up my retainher.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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