explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
