How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
