We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
