theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
