i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
