Whod you bang
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
