Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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