so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
