The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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