non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she peed on how many people?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
