She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
