i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
