life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
