I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
