apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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