U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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