I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
