So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
