i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize