Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
