i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
