I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize