I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
