WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize