Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
