Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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