just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
