nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize