just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
