I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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