dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
