Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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