take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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