the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need a beard to bite.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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