you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
