I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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