Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize