I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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