I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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