i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
