The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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